gay means carefree or not?
by liefdewint
Summary: What will happen when Logan is forced to reveal his sexuality. This is kogan slash. First btr story so probable ooc. I don't own anything


**Hey this is the first time I write something for Big time rush. I just recently discovered the show, so it is possible that my characters are a bit OOC. Hope you can forgive me and enjoy the story.**

Gay means carefree

"Hey Logan, are you gay?"  
Logan spit out his soda. "I'm sorry. What did you just say?"  
"Well, Griffin said that he wanted someone gay in the group, to increase the variety of fans. Something with not only teenage girls crushing over you, but also some teenage boys. Apparently knowing someone of you is gay would help. He wanted to add another member, but I said that wouldn't be necessarily since _you_ were gay. So are you?"  
"Wait, you said I'm gay before you knew it for sure? What if I'm not?"  
"Then you have the choice between pretending you're gay or allowing a fifth dog in this kennel."  
Logan noticed that even though his band mates were trying to be subtle, they were listening as well. Apparently everybody wanted to know _all_ about his sexuality. Or maybe they were just interested in what would happen. After all, the last time a new member was added to the group… You know what happened. But then again, this was Kendall, James and Carlos he was talking about. They just wanted to know whether he was gay or not. Well fine, if they wanted to know so desperately, they could. So what if he didn't have any friends after this. Who needs friends anyway? He sighed. He did need friends, but he knows he couldn't keep lying to them. That was just something friends didn't do either. "Yes, I'm gay."  
"Great, I'll tell Griffin. And with that Gustavo was out. Well at least _he_ clearly didn't minded. Now he'd just have to convince the other three people around him. "Are you guys okay with that?" he asked.  
Kendall was the first to answer. Of course he was the first. He was the group leader. Not that he wanted it to be that way or that he was bossy. It was just that he was the only one they actually all listened to. If it weren't for him, they wouldn't even be there. He was also the one whose opinion Logan feared the most, because Kendall wasn't _just_ Logan's best friend. No, he was also his secret crush. The one to make him realize he was gay. Yep, Logan was in love with his best friend. His straight best friend. His very straight best friend. His very very, well you get the picture. Kendall was as straight as an arrow.  
"Of course we're okay with it Logan. To be honest, I kind of saw it coming." Kendall said.  
"You did?"  
"Yeah, you don't look at girls as if they are the best thing in the world, well, next to me off course." James added.  
"And you can cook extraordinary." Carlos said.  
"You are the one who is good with feeling." Kendall added. "You don't run away when a girl talks about how she feels, but you listen and actually seem to enjoy it."  
Logan smiled. Those were his friends. He was so glad to have them, even if James was so vain, even Narcissus would think he should get over himself. And even if Carlos was a bit weird and Kendall, well Kendall was perfect, so that was a downside on its own, those were his friends and apparently, they wanted that to stay as well.  
"Thank you guys. That means the world to me. I was so afraid you would tell me to get out."  
"Well, we did. We just told you to get out of the closet, that's all." Kendall joked. "Let's rehears. See if you still suck that much, now that you can behave all gay and girly."  
"I hate you." Logan said.  
"No, you don't." and he didn't he really didn't.

**Btr-btr-btr-btr-btr-btr-btr-btr-btr-btr-btr**

Logan was busy in the kitchen cooking for his mates. Normally Kendall's mother would cook, but she and Katie were out tonight and the boys had to take care of themselves. This basically means that Logan cooks and Kendall tell James and Carlos to behave. Logan smiles and thinks back to earlier that day. His friends were right: he had some stereotypical characteristics for a gay guy. On the other hand, so had James and even Kendall. Carlos was the only one who was definitely straight. He snickered when he brought the guys their food. French fries, nothing better after a day like this.  
"What are you laughing about?" Kendall asked.  
"Thinking about how you and James don't behave like you're straight either. Just thought, thinking about your reasons to know about me." He answered.  
"What do we do then?" Kendall asked.  
"James, I don't even have to explain, just look in the bathroom. Even your mother doesn't need that much space for all _her_ make-up."  
"HEY!" James said.  
"You know it's true." Kendall responded. "And how do I behave?"  
"You know like you said, you don't have problems listening to girls either. You seem more relaxed when you are with girls and not like Carlos, being cool, relaxed. More like when you're hanging out with us. And you never know when a girl is flirting with you."  
"It does sound like I'm gay when you put it like that. But then again, you're not wrong."  
"I'm not?"  
"James I don't know, he's just like that. He isn't gay or straight, he is just James-sexual."  
"Again, HEY!" James said. "If you're gossiping about me, try to do it quieter, I'm trying to follow this movie."  
Logan and Kendall laughed.  
"And about you?" Logan asked nervously when they becoming silent again. Could Kendall be saying what it sounded like? He didn't want to get his hopes up, but how couldn't he, after what Kendall just said.  
"I'm bi. Boys, girls, what does it matter? I like persons more than I like someone's gender."  
"It sounds quite logical when you say it like that. You make me sound like I'm some racist for only liking boys." Logan laughed. "So when I see a cute boy, I can always show him to you?"  
"Sure."

**Btr-btr-btr-btr-btr-btr-btr-btr-btr-btr-btr**

It was two weeks after the big revelation (Griffin had made sure Logan sexuality was posted in every magazine possible), as the boys started calling it, that Logan noticed a difference in Kendall's behavior. A lot of girls started hanging out with him, gossiping (VERY annoying) and talking about make-up (why didn't they talk to James about that. He was into that stuff, Logan wasn't) and there were also some guys who started flirting with him. On the site, there were suddenly cute guys who send their picture to Logan instead of girls. It was actually a lot of fun to go through them with his friends and looking for the cutest guy and the one who was fitted best what Logan was looking for. Only Kendall didn't seem to enjoy it. When Logan, Carlos and James looked at the pictures, Carlos and James looking at the girls, Logan at the boys, Kendall would sit in the sofa and just watch some television. Not that Kendall didn't get any pictures send or any strange requests; he got the most, boys as well, even if they didn't know that Kendall was bi. Logan didn't understand why Kendall would behave like that. He had to know, after all, what kind of secret admirer would he be if he didn't make sure everything was ok with the boy of his attentions.

That night, when he and Kendall were laying in bed, Logan realized that this would be a great opportunity to ask, since they were alone and that was when Kendall seemed the most open to Logan.  
"Kendall, are you all right?"  
"Yes I'm fine. Why?"  
"You seemed so down lately. You don't laugh with us like you used to."  
"Off course I still laugh with you. What do you mean?"  
"Well, like this afternoon, when we were looking at what the fans left in the guestbook, or when we're look at the fan mail and you just… don't. You know."  
"I'm just not interested in looking at girls who I've never met, and if I would meet them, still wouldn't look twice at."  
"It's sweet. They like us Kendall and we should appreciate that. They make us a success."  
"I know and I do appreciate it. I just…"  
"You just what?"  
"I like this person. A lot. Actually I think I'm in love with that person. But there is no way they could like me back. And I can't just tell them, because that would ruin whatever we have. So I just don't do anything and hope to get over this stupid crush, but I don't. And every time I see them laugh, I laugh, because their laugh is too beautiful to let is just pass. And when they tell a joke, I fake a smile, hoping that it would make them happy. But they don't notice. They never notice me. At least not in the way I wished they would. But I'm fine. I'll get over it."  
Logan felt as if somebody kicked him in his stomach when Kendall said he was in love with somebody. He felt so jealous, but then he heard how desperate and lonely Kendall sounded and he knew he had to help. After all, he knew how Kendall felt. Didn't he feel all the time he spends around Kendall?  
"Just tell them what you told me. I'm sure they wouldn't mind. That little speech would make everybody fall in love with you."  
"I did tell them."  
"They rejected you? That's not possible. You're Kendall Knight, _the_ cutie from Big time rush."  
"They didn't reject me. They didn't know it told them."  
"How can't they know?"  
Kendall looked at him, trying to communicate through his eyes. He couldn't mean… surely he wasn't… No  
"Kendall if I am this person, please tell me now clearly. I need to know what you're saying for sure. I don't want to doubt about what you feel for me."  
"Yes Logan, it is you. I'm in fucking love with you and you just think about me as your friend. Just your best friend, never more."  
"It has been a long since I thought of you as my friend. As my secret crush, yes. The one I would never get, yes. My soul mate, yes. But just my friend, no."  
"Logie…"

The next moment Kendall felt his mattress going down and a strange pair of lips on his own. Well, not strange, not in the way they should. They actual felt like coming home. For the very first time both boys were perfectly satisfied staying where they were. Tomorrow could wait, yesterday was over and today was just another word. The only thing that mattered was right now, being here with each other.  
Logan and Kendall, Kendall and Logan. Kogan

**I may make a sequel to this if enough people like it. Reviewing is better than chocolate and it makes my day.**


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